The Safest Town In America
by MeanRunt
Summary: F.L.A.G. is looking for the town with the lowest crime rate. And they found ... Hazzard Georgia


****

Dukes Of Hazzard / Knight Rider 

Safest Town In America

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

This story takes place sometime during the sixth or seventh season of Dukes and shortly after 'A Nice Indecent Little Town' episode of Knight Rider. It could possibly answer the burning question ... KITT or the General Lee ... ?

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Devon Miles pulled off the road and checked his map once more. It seemed as though he had been driving for hours along the back roads of central Georgia. According to the map, he had just crossed the county line. The town should be about five miles further. 

After the Alpine Crest debacle, he had gone back to the computers and found that there was another town with almost as low a crime rate as Alpine Crest had claimed to have. Of course, when they arrived in Alpine Crest, they found that the town was rife with corruption and deceit. That was what the F.L.A.G. Director was doing here. He had come to give the Foundation for Law And Government Award to the Safest Town in America ... Hazzard Georgia.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane saw the dust that the car kicked up as it pulled onto the dirt berm about a half mile away. "That has to be a city slicker." He said giving his unique laugh. "Anybody from around here knows better than to use this road on Thursdays and Saturdays. Them's phony speed trap days." He said to his basset hound, Flash. Flash opened one bleary eye and stared sleepily at her master, then promptly went back to dreamland. 

Rosco exited the squad car and walked to the speed limit sign that stood at the sharp bend in the road. Right behind the large bush that blocked most of the sign until you were almost on top of it. He covered the 55 mile marker with a poster board sign that said 25 MPH. Then he returned to the police car and took out his citation book and his radar gun. The one that had been jury-rigged to show at least ten miles above the actual mileage. It wasn't long before the midnight green Chrysler came around the bend in the road. Rosco pointed the gun and, sure enough, it showed a speed of 60 MPH. Thirty five miles over the newly posted speed limit. "Reckless driving if there ever was." He chuckled evilly as he swung onto the road behind the car, lights and sirens going.

Devon pulled over and Rosco came to the window. 

"What's the problem, officer?" Devon asked as he handed him his license.

Sheriff Coltrane studied the license for a few moments. "I see from your license plates you're from California and according to this here drivers license, you're from Los Angeles, too." He said. "You're a long way from home. What's a big city slicker like you doin' in these parts anyway?"

"I'm here on ... "

"You are guilty of doing 60 miles an hour in a 25 mile zone. I don't know how you fellers out in LaLa Land do it, but we take our laws very serious here in Hazzard County."

"But I ... "

"At ten dollars a mile over the speed limit plus court costs, that's ... " He counted his fingers a few times. "Say, you ain't no big time show business celebrity, are you?"

Devon shook his head no.

"That's a shame. 'Cause if 'n you was, you could work off the fine by performin' at the Boars Nest for a coupla nights. But since you ain't no celebrity, then that's gonna cost you four hundred fifteen dollars or thirty days in jail."

"Officer. I can assure you I wasn't speeding. In fact, I ... "

"You know, you got a funny accent. You ain't from England by any chance, are you?"

"As a matter of fact, I was born in Alshire. Why do you ask?"

"Because the last Englishman we had here in Hazzard was a thief and a scoundrel. You might be one, too. In fact, I'm not so sure you ain't in this here country illegal like. I think maybe I had better run you in and hold you until I can run a immigration check on you."

"I can assure you, I am in this country legally. In fact, I have been a citizen of the United States for the past twenty years."

"And you could just be lying through your teeth, too. In fact, you could even be one of them there spies we keep readin' about. Come down here to steal our government top secret information, I'll betcha. Well, you ain't gonna get away with it. Wait till Sheriff Little over in Chickasaw finds out what I caught me today. A real live criminal … An illegal alien … And a spy to boot. He's gonna be positively green with envy." He chortled as he motioned for Devon to get out of the car and then put handcuffs on him. "Cuff 'em and stuff 'em!" He chanted as he put the Englishman in the back of the cruiser. 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Michael Knight pulled KITT up the ramp into the back of the black semi trailer as it drove slowly along State Route 26. He had just completed an assignment in Atlanta and he and the rest of the F.L.A.G. crew were on their way to join Devon in Hazzard for the Safe Town Award ceremonies. Almost before he was out of the black Trans-Am, Bonnie Barstow was under KITT's hood, checking the motor. 

"Is something wrong, Bonnie?" The Knight Industries Two Thousand prototype car asked.

"Not really, KITT." The scientist / computer expert / mechanic / Jill-of-all-trades answered. "But I noticed on our backup monitors that your trans-linear modulator was running a few points high. I thought I had better check it out while I had the chance."

Just then, the built in mobile phone in KITT buzzed. Michael pushed the 'talk' button and Devon Miles' voice filled the trailer. "Hey, Mike, old pal. I seem to be in a bit of a bind. You see, I was arrested by the Hazzard County Sheriff for exceeding the speed limit. Do you think you and … ah … 'Kitty' could possibly come down here to Hazzard and bail me out?"

Something was wrong. Devon knew full well that Michael and the crew were on their way to the sleepy Georgia town. Plus, he had never called him Mike before ... Or pal. It was always Michael, and the two of them were never on a buddy-buddy basis. True, they were friends, but there was always the supervisor to subordinate relationship. Also, 'Kitty' could be a reference to KITT. He wasn't sure what the problem was, but Michael figured if the F.L.A.G. director was giving him some kind of coded message, he had better play along. "Okay, Dev." Michael answered. "Ah … 'Kitty' and I can leave in a few hours. We'll be there some time tomorrow. You just hang in there, buddy boy, old pal. We'll get everything straightened out."

Before he had hung up, Bonnie had completed her diagnostics and tune up and was preparing the car to go back onto the road. "Do you want us to follow you into Hazzard?" She asked.

"No, Bonnie." Michael answered. "I have the distinct impression that Devon wants us to be undercover for some reason. I think you had better keep the semi on the Chickasaw side of the county line until we find out what the problem is. KITT and I will keep in touch and if you are needed, you can be in Hazzard in a matter of minutes." 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Bo and Luke Duke sat in the cell in the Hazzard jail. They had been 'arrested' for going the wrong way on a one way street that an hour earlier had been a two way street. This was the third time this week they had been run in by either Rosco or his deputy, Enos Strate. Usually for some inconsequential misdemeanor. They were almost always out of jail within an hour or so. Either legally or ... They didn't mind Enos arresting them. He did so only on instructions from either Boss Hogg or Rosco, and he was usually very apologetic about it. That was partially due to the fact that he was sweet on their cousin Daisy. 

Rosco P. Coltrane was another matter altogether. He delighted in bedeviling the cousins. Especially if there was a chance that he or County Commissioner J.D. Hogg could revoke their probation. So far, their efforts had not panned out. The Duke boys had always managed not only to beat the trumped up charges, but they almost always came out as heroes in the process. This only further infuriated the Commissioner and the Sheriff. 

They watched as Sheriff Coltrane escorted the new prisoner into the empty cell next to theirs. This was definitely not a local. Not wearing a three piece suit and a tie. In Hazzard County, going formal meant wearing socks. As soon as the Sheriff had left, Luke shoved his hand through the bars. 

"Hi, there. I'm Luke Duke. This here is my cousin Bo. What's your name?"

"My name is Devon Miles. I'm pleased to meet you." He shook hands with the prisoners.

"What did you do to run afoul of the law here in our magnificent little town of Hazzard, Mr. Miles?" Luke asked with more than a touch of mockery in his voice.

"Actually, nothing that I am aware of. According to your Sheriff, I was speeding. He based that charge on a cardboard sign that had been taped over the true speed limit sign. According to my speedometer, I was actually almost five miles under the actual limit. Then he accused me of being an illegal alien and a spy. Of course, none of this is true. When I appeared before your magistrate, one Jefferson Davis Hogg, he sentenced me to a four hundred fifteen dollar fine or thirty days in jail without so much as a trial. I wasn't even given the chance to defend myself or to give any explanations."

"That sounds like Boss." Luke said.

"Let me guess. You were on County Road 281. Right?" Bo asked.

"How did you know?" Devon replied.

"It's Saturday. Everyone from around here knows that's Speed Trap Day on that particular stretch of road. You ain't the first out of towner to get caught there and you won't be the last. Although Boss usually only levies a hefty fine and then lets the offender go." 

"You mean this happens regularly?"

"Oh, yeah. Every Thursday and Saturday Boss manages to hook a couple of out of town drivers off that road." Bo said.

"Tuesdays and Fridays it's County Road 693." Luke added. "And Mondays and Wednesdays is County Road 470 day. Sundays is a free day. They don't get nobody."

"And no one complains?"

"Not really. You see, ticketing out of town speeders on the county roads are the major sources of income for the town. Keeps our taxes low. And they never bother the locals. What are you doing in jail anyway? Did you refuse to pay or something?"

"Not exactly. He's holding me until he can get a reply to inquiries the Sheriff wrote to the FBI and the Immigration Department in Washington. As I said before, he thinks I am in this country illegally and that I am a spy."

"Well, then, you might as well make yourself comfortable. It's after 3 o'clock. Boss and everyone else has gone home for the weekend and nobody will be back in the offices until at least 8 o'clock Monday. Deputy Strate is the only one left in the building. Rosco will probably mail the inquiries out sometime Monday. That's when Miz Tisdale gets back from her weekly trip to her sister's over in Methane Falls. She's our Postmistress. That means they won't get a reply until sometime Thursday or Friday. By that time it'll be the weekend again, so you're gonna be here for at least that long." 

"I would think they would teletype it to Washington. It certainly would be quicker and more efficient."

"Perhaps for the rest of the world. But who said that Boss wants a quick reply? The longer you're here, the better it will look when the man from that Foundation comes here to give him the award for having the least crime ridden town in America. That way Boss can show him that he really is tough on crime." 

"Man? Foundation?" Devon played dumb.

"Yeah. Boss got a letter a coupla weeks ago from someplace called the Foundation for Law And Order. Seems they found out that Hazzard has one of the lowest reported crime rates in the country." Luke explained.

"That's true, but only because only about a third of the crimes are reported. Mainly because Boss is usually responsible for the other two thirds." Bo continued. "Of course, he ain't gonna report those."

"I see." Devon rubbed his thumb along the side of his cheek. Perhaps I had better do a little more checking into this 'Crime Free' business. Two towns in a row on the take? "And what will you do in the meantime?"

"We figured since everyone else is gone home, we might as well go home too. Enos won't mind too much."

"You mean he'll let you out?"

"Of course not." Bo said as he reached through the bars to where the cell door keys were hanging on a peg. "We'll let ourselves out. Don't worry, though. We'll be back by Sunday night. We do it all the time." He quickly opened his cell and then Devon's as well. "Come on Mr. Miles. You might as well come on up to the farm with us. Uncle Jesse won't mind having an extra guest for dinner. Besides, he makes the best Crawdad Bisque in all of central Georgia. You wouldn't want to miss that." 

"HEY!" Enos Strate called to the trio as they walked out of the County building. "You can't do that. Bo! Luke! You know I don't mind you two going home for the weekend, but that there's a dangerous criminal you got with you! I gotta report this to Mr. Hogg and Sheriff Coltrane. They ain't gonna like it." He picked up the phone. "Matilda." He told the operator. "Connect me to the Hogg residence."

In the parking lot behind the jail, Luke and Bo lifted a flabbergasted Devon and slid him into the back seat of the orange Dodge.

"Have to do it this way." Luke explained. "The doors are welded shut."

Within seconds, the Dukes had also slid into the front seat and were on their way out of town headed toward the Duke Farm.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Michael Knight pulled the Trans-Am to the curb in front of the Hazzard County Municipal Building and got out. No sooner had he gone inside than Sheriff Coltrane pulled behind him. 

"Well, I'll be ... Lookey at what we got here, Flash. Another car with State of Cal-i-for-ni-a license plate tags. This must be our lucky day." This time the dog did not even wake up. 

Rosco went to the side of the building and emerged a few moments later with a realistic looking plastic fire hydrant. He set it down on the curb almost even with KITT's front fender. 

"Well ...Well ... Well ... What do you know? Illegally parking in front of a fire hydrant." He snickered as he took out his citation book. He propped his foot on the Trans-Am's bumper and began writing. "That outta be at least a hundred dollar fine. What if there had been a fire at the Municipal Building?" He said to no one. "The fire truck couldn't get to the pump. Then the building could burn down. That's interferin' with an emergency ve-hick-le. Better make that a three hundred dollar fine at least." He licked the eraser on the pencil and rubbed out several lines. Then he began to write again.

"Would you please remove your foot from my bumper?" KITT asked the policeman.

"I will not!" Roscoe said angrily. "This here is the standard authorized position for when I write a citation. It says so in the official police manual." 

"I must also point out that the citation you are writing is blatantly illegal."

"Look, you … " Rosco said as he slowly moved around to the driver's side of the car. He tried to peek inside, but KITT's heavily tinted windows prevented him from seeing anything. "Are you questioning a duly authorized and sworn officer of the law in the performance of his duties?"

"I am indeed. That fire hydrant is an obvious phony. I saw you bring it from the side of the building. You are clearly an unrepentant reprehensible scalawag."

"That does it!" He began writing another ticket. "You ain't gonna get away with calling me no obscene names. This here one is for sassing a po-lice officer." He took the two tickets and placed them under the driver's windshield wiper.

KITT merely turned on the wipers and the tickets went fluttering to the ground.

" ... And that's littering. That's gonna get you another ticket." As he bent over to retrieve the papers, KITT opened the door, knocking Rosco to the ground. The car immediately shut the door again before the Sheriff got up. Rosco pulled his gun and pointed it at the window. "And that's assaulting a police officer." He brushed the dust from the front of his uniform. "Could even call it assaulting and battering. That just earned you a night in jail. Now come out with your hands up." 

When no one emerged after a few seconds, Rosco banged on the window with the butt of his gun. "Don't make me use force on you in there. I'll have you know I am trained and qualified in all forms of martial combat techniques. Now, you come on out of there real peaceful like." 

Still no answer.

"I ain't kiddin' no more. This is your last chance. Don't make me add resistin' arrest to the charges I got on you. I'm going to count to three and then I am going to open fire. One … Two … Two and a half … Two and three quarters … Two and seven eighths … Two and ... whatever. Okay. Come on out."

Still nothing.

"If that's the way you're gonna be, you leave me no choice. I'm gonna hafta to shoot." 

"Is there a problem, Officer?" The Sheriff nearly jumped out of his skin at the sight of Michael Knight standing beside him. He pointed the gun squarely at the tip of Michael's nose. "Who ... who are you?"

"Michael Knight." He said as he raised his hands high in the air.

"Is this your car?"

"Yes it is."

"How did you get out of there without me seeing you get out?"

"I wasn't in the car." 

"Then who was I talking to?" Rosco said as he attempted several times to put his gun back in its holster. The first three times he tried, he missed entirely. The fourth time, it fell to the ground. Michael picked it up and handed it back to him. On the fifth try it went in the holster properly.

"I haven't the faintest idea who you were talking to." Michel opened the door to show the sheriff that the car was empty.

"But I … I was … Somebody turned on the wipers, and somebody opened the door and knocked me down." 

"Now how could anyone have done a thing like that?" Michael said with just a touch of sarcasm in his voice. "You saw for yourself that no one was in the car. Are you trying to tell me that the car did these things on its own?" There was no question in his mind that KITT had done those things.

"Well … I … " Rosco stammered. Could it have been the car? Nah! Cars can't talk. And they definitely can't open doors by themselves. "All I know is somebody knocked me over and threw these here citations to the ground. Since this is your car, I'm gonna hold you responsible." He stuffed the tickets into Michael's shirt pocket. "Court is in session at 9 AM Monday morning. Be there. Now get outta my way. I'm on official Hazzard County business." He turned and almost tripped over the phony fire hydrant as he strode into the Municipal Building. 

Enos had called him on the CB. Something about a jail break. That was why he was in town in the first place. According to what he could decipher from Enos, Bo and Luke Duke had escaped. There was nothing earthshaking about that. The Dukes did it all the time. Especially on weekends. Everybody knew that.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"KITT!" Michael scolded the Trans Am. "Why did you do that? It's completely unlike you?"

"But Michael. He was so gullible. I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn't done something." KITT replied. If the car would have had the ability, it would have had a huge self satisfied smirk across its scanner. "To change the subject, have you talked with Devon yet? What is the problem?"

"I have no idea." Michael said as he got behind the wheel. As soon as he had buckled his seat belt, the car started for the edge of town. "According to what Deputy Strate told me, it appears he has escaped from jail along with two other prisoners that the Deputy only identified as the Duke Boys."

"What do we do now?"

"We find them and get to the bottom of this. There can't be that many Dukes in this town. KITT. Access the county records for any information on the name of Duke."

Seconds later, KITT came back online. "According to the information in the Hall of Records computers, the Duke Boys would most likely be Beauregard J. and Lucas K. Duke. They are cousins, and they prefer to be called Bo and Luke. It seems they are on probation for running moonshine several years ago. There are also several entries for a Daisy Duke, who is a cousin as well. She is the waitress at a tavern situated on the other side of the city limits. It's called the Boars Nest and is the local gathering place. Jesse Duke, who appears to be their uncle, is also mentioned numerous times. Usually for late payment of the mortgage and taxes on his farm."

"While I appreciate the Duke family genealogy, is there an address or a telephone number for any of the people you mentioned?"

"Unfortunately, it does not appear that anyone in the town has a published street address. Everyone gets their mail through general delivery at the post office. The same holds true for telephone numbers. This area is probably one of the few places that still utilizes a live operator to place the calls. Her name is Matilda Temple and she is the second cousin of the County Commissioner. One Jefferson Davis Hogg."

"So much for the Hazzard County history. That still doesn't help us find the Dukes and Devon." 

"No. I suppose it doesn't, however I did take the liberty of scanning the computer at the County Surveyor's Office. I have the coordinates for the Duke farm from the county map. I could use them to plot a course to the farm?"

"That's what I've been trying to find out all this time! Why didn't you say you knew how to get there in the first place?"

"You didn't ask."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"So what." Rosco told his deputy. "The Duke boys always go home on the weekends. It happens all the time. That's no reason to call me or Boss. Especially when I was about to catch Ol' Sam at the fishin' hole up on Hazzard Creek. I had my brand new blue wiggler lure that I got out of that fancy fishin' catalog. I tied it on the end of that new mono-fila-whatever line I bought from the bait store over in Havens Corners. I cast it into the water just like they do on that TV show and that ol' catfish was a-eyein' it like he was ... "

"But Sheriff ... " Enos interrupted. "This is more important than catching Ol' Sam."

"No it ain't. Ain't nothin' more important than catchin' Ol' Sam. Been after him for goin' on six years now. That catfish is the biggest one I ever seen. I'll probably get my picture in that Field and Stream magazine when I catch him. I had him that far away." Rosco put his index fingers about six inches apart. "Ten more minutes and he would've been mine."

"That English feller was with them when they escaped."

"THE SPY THAT I CAUGHT? HE ESCAPED TOO! Why didn't you say so! Call out the State Police! Call out the FBI! Call out the National Guard! Call out the Boy Scouts!" Rosco began running back and forth between his desk, the cells, and the door in no particular order. "Does Boss know about this?" He asked.

"Does Boss know about what?" J. D. Hogg said as he came into the jail. He was dressed in his usual white suit, but he had an enormous red checked napkin tucked into his collar, and he held a turkey leg in his right hand. "This better be important. I was just about to sit down to my hourly snack-between-meals snack. And you know how cranky I get if I don't eat on a regular basis." He took a huge bite out of the leg.

"Sorry about that, little fat buddy." Rosco said, clearing a space on Enos's desk for the Commissioner to sit at. "The reason we called you is because that English spy has escaped from jail along with the Dukes."

"And what do you expect me to do about it?" Boss said between mouthfuls. "That's why I hired you two nincompoops. You take care of it. I got to get back home. Lulu is making her famous chicken liver and tuna casserole with potato and cheese topping. She also brought home a fresh baked boysenberry rhubarb pie from Maybelle's Restaurant for dessert. I don't want to miss even one delicious mouthful of this dinner."

"My sister has a boysenberry rhubarb pie?" Rosco said, salivating. "Can I come too, Boss? Can I? Can I? I just L-O-O-V-E Maybelle's pies." 

Boss's reply was to hit the Sheriff over the head with the now denuded turkey bone. 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Bo and Luke pulled up to the porch of the Duke farm. Uncle Jesse and Daisy were waiting for them. Between the four of them, they extricated Devon from the back seat of the General. 

"I can honestly say I have not had a more … interesting ride in quite a few years." Devon said as he smoothed out his jacket and brushed the dust from his trousers.

"Sorry about that." Luke said as he pulled several strands of hay from Devon's coat lapels. "I forgot we hauled a couple of bales of hay in the General last week 'cause there wasn't room enough in Uncle Jesse's truck, and there wasn't enough hay left back at the feed store to justify making another trip."

"That's perfectly all right." Devon said with a smile as he picked a stalk from his pants pocket. "I can understand that you occasionally transport items other than passengers in your auto." 

"I'm Jesse Duke." The elder Duke held out his hand. "But around here, everybody calls me 'Uncle Jesse'. I don't rightly think I'd answer to anything else."

"My name is Devon Miles." He shook Jesse's hand. "I am pleased to meet you."

"And I'm Daisy Duke." She also extended her hand.

Miles took her hand and gently placed a kiss on the back. "Enchante, Mademoiselle Duke." He said softly, bowing from the waist. 

Daisy blushed all over. It was quite obvious.

"Is dinner about ready?" Bo asked. "Luke and I ain't had nothing since breakfast, and I'm guessing Devon here is pretty hungry, too."

"Of course." Jesse said, putting his hand on the Englishman's shoulder and guiding him to the door. "Where's my manners! Come on in. The bisque is just about ready and there's a cherry pie cooling on the window sill." 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Bo and Luke had just finished putting the dishes away when they heard the sound of an automobile engine coming up the drive toward the farmhouse.

Fearing that it might be Rosco or Enos, they quickly ushered Devon into the closet of the master bedroom. They knew that neither the Sheriff nor his Deputy would do anything to them. After all, leaving the jail on a weekend was a routine thing for them. They weren't too sure of what they might do with Devon, though. From the conversations they had overheard between Rosco and J.D Hogg when Devon was brought in, they had the impression that their guest was a hardened criminal. From what they had experienced since then though, it appeared that Devon Miles was a gentle, soft spoken, kindly man. Hardly the hard boiled desperado type.

As soon as the black Trans Am came to a stop in front of the house, Michael Knight got out. He carefully checked the area. Nothing seemed to be out of place. He walked to the porch and knocked at the door. He swallowed hard as a young woman, perhaps 25 years old, and knock-em-dead gorgeous opened it.

"Can I help you?" Daisy said.

"Yes … I think … I … My name is Michael Knight." He stammered. He hoped that the redness on his face could be explained as coming from the hot Georgia sun.

"And I'm Daisy Duke." She said, indicating for him to follow her into the living room. "And what can I do for you, Mr. Knight?"

Michael's subconscious mind thought of several things she could do for him. None of them PG rated. He pushed them back into his subconscious. "Actually, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Devon Miles. I was told that he was with your cousins, Bo and Luke. Have you seen them lately?"

"Michael." Devon said as he exited the bedroom. "I was hoping that you would be here quickly. I take it you know the situation up to this point."

Michael nodded. "I had a long talk with Deputy Strate. He filled me in on some of what has been going on here. Then, I had a run in with the local Sheriff over a phony fire hydrant. I pretty much figured the rest out on my own. So much for your crime free town. What do you intend to do now?"

"Now, Michael, we will … "

He was interrupted as the base CB unit came to life. "Uncle Jesse? Bo? Luke?" Enos Strate's voice came over the speaker. "I mean Shepherd and Lost Sheep. This is Deputy Sheriff Enos Strate speakin'. I mean Legal Lawman speakin'."

"Go ahead, Legal Lawman." Jesse replied. "This is Shepherd."

"Lost Sheep are here too." Luke said.

"Hey, Uncle Jesse. Luke. Bo. How's things goin'? I thought you might like to know that Sheriff Coltrane and Commissioner Hogg ain't too happy with you guys for takin' that there English feller with you when you escaped from jail this afternoon. In fact, they're on their way out to the farm right now. At least the Sheriff is. Commissioner Hogg is still havin' dinner with Mrs. Hogg. The Sheriff is supposed to pick him up on his way to the farm. Sheriff Coltrane just the jail a few minutes ago, so I'm guessing you've got maybe about a half hour or so before he gets to your place. He'd have left town sooner, but Commissioner Hogg got him so hungry, he had to stop at Maybelle's and get something to eat first."

"Thanks for the warning, Enos. We'll be out of here long before he gets here." Bo assured him.

"Good luck, Bo. Oh, and tell Daisy that I can make it to take her to the dance next Saturday over at the Quimbly place. Sheriff Coltrane has given me the entire night off. 'Course, I gotta work a double shift Monday to make up for it."

"That's good news, Enos." Daisy said, her cheeks blushing to a dusty pink. "I was hoping you could take me. I even bought a new dress just for the occasion."

You could almost hear the Deputy's face turning red as he signed off.

"We could go up to Still Site Number 6." Bo said. "The cave behind there would be a good hiding place."

"Don't think so." Jesse answered. "That's one of the first places Rosco and J. D. would search. Besides, if you're caught at any of the still sites, it could be just the excuse they're looking for to revoke your probation. Even though I promised the nice folks over at the U. S. of A. Department of Taxation that I wouldn't make no more moonshine, I still keep some of the sites up. Figure one of these days, I might turn them into a tourist attraction. Maybe bring in some extra cash that way."

"Is the old Larson place still available?" Luke asked. "We could hide out there."

"Of course it is. I go over and clean it up every few weeks or thereabouts. You never know when Glenn or one of the family might be coming back. They drop in about once or twice a year, you know. I don't think they'd mind if you three used it for a few days." Jesse took a set of keys from the peg rack by the kitchen door and handed them to Luke. "I use it too, when I get caught in the rain up that way. It's good for that."

" … Or for when you're being chased by Rosco and Boss."

Daisy handed them a large picnic basket as they went onto the back porch. "I figured you're gonna be up there a while, so I packed you guys some things you're gonna need. Like milk and eggs, and lunch meat and bread, and some of the leftovers from dinner, too. I also put in the rest of the pie."

"Okay everybody, into the General." Bo said as he and Luke approached the orange Dodge. They put their arms around Devon. 

"As soon as we have Devon in, we'll put you in, too." Luke told Michael.

"Thanks for the offer, guys, but I have my own transportation." Michael said as he slid into KITT's front seat. 

"While I too, appreciate the offer." Devon added. "I think I would rather take my chances with Michael." He got in the passenger seat.

"That may be all well and good." Luke said. "But where we're going takes a special kind of car. It's pretty hilly up there. I'm afraid that your little car just doesn't have the power to keep up."

"Little car! Doesn't have the power!" KITT said to his driver. "Who do they think I am? Some pampered exhibition car?" He gunned his engine. "I'll show them power!" 

"KITT! " Michael hissed. "Keep it down. They might hear you." Then to Luke. "I think my car can manage to keep up with yours. Lead the way."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Lost Sheep to Knight Rider. Turn left at the next road. That's the Larson farm." Bo said into the CB mike.

"Knight Rider to Lost Sheep. Read you loud and clear." Michael answered. Since KITT could tune to any broadcast channel, it wasn't difficult for the Trans Am to emulate a CB radio.

Minutes later, both cars pulled up to a neatly kept farmhouse. Inside, there was a combination living room / kitchen and two bedrooms. While it was clear that the house had not been occupied in some time it was, as Jesse said, clean and as neat as a pin. 

"Make yourselves to home." Luke said. "We might just be here for a while."

"I got to admit. For a city car, yours does pretty well keeping up with us." Bo said as he put the contents of the basket Daisy had given them into the refrigerator. 

"KITT can hold his own with the best of them." Michael said. "And then some."

"Perhaps when this business with the Sheriff and Boss is over, you'd like to put your money where your mouth is." Luke challenged.

"Perhaps I might do that." Michael replied, ignoring the disapproving stares from Devon.   


o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Rosco!" Boss Hogg yelled at the Sheriff as they pulled away from the Duke farm. "I want them Duke boys and that Englishman caught. And I want them caught right away!"

"You worried about that man from that there foundation?"

" ... That, too. But I got a buyer for those 350 brand new 35 inch stereo hi fi TVs that we ... " He made quotes with his fingers. " ... ' liberated ' from that tractor trailer that broke down on highway 26 last month. I got them stashed in the cave behind Still Site Number 6. If them Dukes are on the lam, and if they decide to hide out there, and if they find them, it could cost me a bundle."

"I thought we were gonna sell them back to that there electronics company that owned them in the first place." The Sheriff said. "I mean after all, they did offer a reward for their return and the capture of the thieves that stole them. We was gonna pin it on the Dukes and get them sent back to prison."

Boss hit Rosco with the remnants of the ham, triple bologna and cheese, super deluxe hero sandwich with extra tomatoes he had been eating. "You got oatmeal for brains. The company is only offering a ten thousand dollar reward. My buyer will pay us 250 dollars apiece for them."

"That's a ... " Rosco counted on his fingers. "... And carry the one ... " He made calculations in the air. " ... That's a whole lot more than that there reward. And my share is gonna be ... " He made a few more aerial calculations. 

"Your share is gonna be nothing. You were supposed to get a share of the reward. This is a whole different agreement. "

"But I outta get something. I mean after all, I was injured in the robbery." Rosco said, rubbing the back of his head.

"And I'll give you another knot if you keep this up. Now you and that dipstick deputy of yours get cracking. And you had better catch them Dukes and that foreign guy before next Tuesday. That's when the buyer will be in town."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Luke yawned and stretched. While the Larson cabin was unoccupied, it was not empty. In fact, the kitchen was well stocked, and once he and Bo had gotten the generator working, the place had all the amenities of home. Even the TV worked, although it could only get one channel. And that was slightly fuzzy. But when that is all you have ... 

"I don't know about the rest of you." He said. "But I'm going to turn in." He headed for one of the bedrooms. The agreement was that he and Bo would take the front one and Devon and Michael would share the other one.

"That sounds like a good idea." Michael said as he turned off the TV. "What are the plans for tomorrow?"

Luke shook his head lazily. "Nothing special. Boss and Rosco won't be on the road much before 1 PM. That's when services at the Three Possum Run Community Congregational Church let out. It's good for their reputations as civic leaders to be seen there." 

"Besides they both got to attend church regularly or Lulu will skin them alive." Bo said. "And trust me, if there's one person you don't want to have mad at you, it's Lulu Hogg."

"Don't forget the All-You-Can-Eat Sunday Buffet at the Moose Lodge over in Rose Junction." Luke added. "Boss wouldn't miss that for anything. Their specialty is Pot Roast. You know how Boss likes their Pot Roast" 

"And everything else they have, too." Bo agreed. 

"That usually is over sometime around 4 or 5, or whenever they run out of food." Luke continued. 

"Whichever comes first. When Boss is there, it's usually the food." Bo interjected.

"That would put it just about time for dinner at the Hogg's. I don't think we have anything to worry about. Boss and Rosco ain't gonna come looking for us anytime tomorrow." Luke concluded.

"So what will we do in the meantime?" Devon asked.

"Me, I plan to sleep in late." Bo said as he went into their bedroom.

"Sounds good to me." Luke followed his cousin.

Michael shrugged and bowed low in the direction of the other bedroom. Devon returned the bow and the two of them locked arms and strutted into the room.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The sun had barely climbed above the horizon when Michael heard the noises coming from the living area. Carefully, he got out of the bed and looked for something to use as a weapon. The only thing he could find was a wooden coat hanger in the empty closet. It wasn't much, but it would have to do. Gripping the hanger tightly, he eased the door open and crept into the living room. As he rounded the corner to the kitchen, he saw someone standing at the counter. He couldn't tell what the person had in his hand, only that it was large. He yelled and started running toward the man.

At about the same time, Luke spotted Michael. They both turned toward each other and raised their "weapons". Only thing was, Michael's hanger did not contain pancake batter.

"What the ... ? You just scared the living daylights outta me." Luke said as he sat the now empty mixing bowl back on the counter and reached for a towel. " I thought you were a robber or something."

"And I thought you said you were going to sleep late." Michael said as he took another towel and began helping Luke wipe the sticky mess from his shirt.

"We did sleep in late." Bo said from the doorway. "After all it's almost six forty five." It was all he could do to keep from laughing at the sight before him.

"I found some pancake mix in the cupboard and I was going to make hotcakes, but since those were the only eggs Daisy packed, I guess you guys'll just have to make do with coffee and jelly bread. Unless you want to finish off the pie." Luke explained. 

While the Dukes, principally Luke, cleaned up in the bathroom after breakfast, Michael volunteered to clear the kitchen. It was the least he could do. He felt somewhat responsible for the mess in the first place. If he hadn't come at Luke, he wouldn't have raised the bowl and spilled batter all over himself. As he finished, Luke and Bo came in. Both had showered and shaved and were dressed in clean clothes.

"Daisy even packed a change of clothes." Bo stated. "Unfortunately, she didn't think to pack anything for you two."

"That's okay." Michael said. "My suitcases are in the car. Devon and I are about the same size, so he can share with me." He ignored the look that the F.L.A.G. director gave him as he went to KITT.

A half hour later, both of them were bathed and dressed as well, although Devon looked decidedly uncomfortable in one of Michael's T-shirts and black jeans.

Bo and Luke were heading to the door. "We're going up to Waite's Mountain. Want to come along?" Bo asked.

"What's on Waite's Mountain?"

"Nothing really." Luke explained. "That's why we're going there. Uncle Jesse always made sure we went to Sunday Services when we were little. Nowadays, we can't always get to church, so we go to Waite's Mountain whenever we get the chance. It's peaceful and quiet and you can see three counties from the top. I really feel close to God up there." 

"Sounds like a good place to be on a Sunday morning." Michael said as they followed them out of the house.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Michael Knight stretched out on the grass and tented his arms under his chin. He closed his eyes and cleared his mind. The Dukes were right. Up here, he felt a calmness and peace that he had not felt in years. Not since ... The fact that he was once a policeman named Michael Long was fast becoming a blur. He smiled sadly. The Michael Long that he once had been was dead. The bullet that had supposedly killed him had also destroyed much of his face. Wilton Knight, CEO of Knight Industries, and founder of the Foundation for Law And Government, had paid for the reconstructive surgery. He then offered him the job as F.L.A.G.'s roving troubleshooter, as well as his own last name. It was beginning to seem as though he had been born Michael Knight. He did not mind that as much as he originally thought he would. Michael Knight was a very good person to be.

Finally, Devon rose from his sitting position and brushed some miniscule traces of dust off his pants. "I have been in the finest cathedrals in the world, but I must admit that I feel a spirituality here that I have not felt in many of them. Have you thought about erecting a chapel here?"

"We thought about that, but it would destroy what makes this place special." Bo replied. "I think it's the fact that this place is so unspoiled that makes it what as it is."

"You're right, Cuz." Luke added. "It's God's place in God's country. We'd be interfering if we put anything permanent here."

"And we sure don't want to interfere with God." Bo ended.

"You boys are very intuitive." Devon said with a smile.

"You ain't trying to bad mouth us, are you?" Bo asked. " 'Cause if you are ... " He balled his fist menacingly.

"Not at all. What I meant was that you have good heads on your shoulders."

"Oh. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

"I tell you what." Luke said as they walked to the cars. "Let's go down to the fishing hole. We could catch us a mess of catfish and have us an honest to goodness Sunday dinner. Unless of course, you guys like eating baloney sandwiches."

"The fishing hole it is." Bo replied. "We'll have to stop at Still Site Number 6 and pick up the fishin' gear we got stashed there."

"You know, the road there is pretty tricky. That would be a great place to put your car to the test." Luke said to Michael. "Lessee. What kind of a prize could we have?" He scratched his chin. "Loser has to ... clean the fish." He spat on his right palm and held his hand to Michael. "Agreed?"

"Agreed." Michael spat on his palm and clasped Luke's hand. 

Bo also spat on his hand and placed it on top of the others. "Agreed."

"Michael!" Devon protested. "You aren't seriously thinking about going through with this idiotic farce, are you?"

"It's a matter of pride, Devon. You wouldn't want me to appear chicken in front of the Dukes, would you?"

"Heavens to Betsy, no." Devon said with only a trace of sarcasm escaping. "We couldn't have that."

"I didn't think so. Think of it as a thorough field test of KITT's capabilities in rough terrain."

"Besides." Bo added. "He's gotta do it. We already spit and shook on it." 

Luke handed them a pad of paper he had taken from the General's glove compartment. "I've drawn a map of the area with the roads marked. It's a little rough, but it'll get you there. Just in case you get too far behind us."

Michael took the paper and folded it and put it in his shirt pocket. "Or too far out in front." He said with a grin.

"Fat chance!" Luke and Bo said almost in unison as they climbed into the orange Dodge Charger.

"Shall we?" Michael said to Devon as he held the door open.

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

Michael inserted the sheet of paper into KITT's scanner. "You got the route?" He asked.

"Of course, Michael. Although Luke's drawing is rather crude, most of the features he drew match the coordinates of the map of the county that I downloaded from the Surveyors Office. It will not be difficult to follow it." KITT replied.

"In that case." Michael turned the ignition key. "Let the race begin."

KITT responded with an enthusiastic roar of his engine. 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"That was a good sermon, Pastor." Jefferson Davis Hogg said as he left the Three Possum Run Community Congregational Church. "I especially liked the part about the fire and brimstone. I just wish the Duke Boys could have been around to hear it."

"So you could arrest them? I heard they escaped from jail again." Pastor Barnes said as he shook the Commissioner's pudgy hand.

"Pastor!" Boss said with as much mock innocence as he could muster. "A church is sacred ground. I'd be committing sacrilege if I arrested them in church. I'd at least wait until services was over and they came out. Then I'd have either Sheriff Coltrane or Deputy Strate arrest them."

"J. D. You're all heart." The Pastor said.

"All heart." Rosco echoed.

"And now I'm off to the Rose Junction Moose Lodge for some lunch." J. D. Hogg said. "All this holiness has made me hungry as a bear."

"Let's get going. I can't wait." Rosco said as he hurried to hold the door of the white Lincoln convertible for Boss. A set of steer horns served as a hood ornament for the car. "All them delicious vittles ... " He wiped a small bit of saliva from his chin with the back of his hand.

"You ain't going to lunch." Boss said as he settled his rotund torso behind the wheel with some difficulty. 

"I ain't?"

"No you ain't. You're going to Still Site Number 6 and get everything ready for the buyer. And keep an eye peeled for them Dukes while you're at it."

"But little fat buddy. I'm hungry too. I ain't had nothing to eat since 6 o'clock this morning. And they have such good food over there at the Moose Club."

"Tough Twinkies. You could stand to lose a few pounds. Now get moving." Boss Hogg said. "Speakin' of Twinkies ... " He reached into the Lincoln's glove compartment and pulled out a large box of the golden confections.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Y-E-E-H-H-A-A-H !!! " Bo shouted as the General Lee cleared the ramp of the washed out bridge and sailed in a graceful arc over Hazzard Creek. "Let's see Knight's car do that." 

Seconds later, KITT too, cleared the ramp and soared over the creek. Devon looked decidedly green as they landed on the other bank.

"They're better than I thought they'd be. Michael just might give the General a run for the money." Luke replied.

"You mean the a run for the fish, don't you, Cuz?" Bo laughed at his joke.

"He's really good, and they're not that far behind us." Luke said as he shifted gears in preparation for turning onto Lundigan's Road. "I'm afraid that once we reach the flats, they just might overtake us."

"Not if we don't ever reach the flats."

"What have you got running around in your devious little brain, Bo?" 

"Averback's Hill is just on the other side of the curve up ahead, and if we go over the top instead of around it, we can cut at least two miles off the course. By the time Michael Knight realizes we ain't in front of him no more, we'll be sittin' in Still Site Number 6 cleaning out the tackle box."

"Beaureguard J. Duke. Did anyone tell you that you have a nasty vicious evil mean streak in you?"

"Not since the last time you did, Cuz."

"It's perfect." Luke swung the orange Dodge off the road as they rounded the bend and headed up the narrow path to the top of the hill.

KITT slowed for the curve. "Michael." The car said. "According to my sensors, the Duke's car has left the route that Luke laid out and is now on a course that will take them directly to the site. While it is considerably more difficult than the road we are on, it will cut at least ten minutes off their time. Should I follow them?"

Michael studied the electronic screen display of the relative positions of the General and KITT. "No. Let them go their way. We'll stay on the original route."

"But Michael." Devon protested. "That will mean that the Dukes will win. Although the prize is inconsequential, the fact that they are cheating is not."

"Who says they're going to win? And remember the old saying. 'What's sauce for the goose' ... " Michael pressed a few buttons. "Pursuit mode time, KITT. Hang onto your stomach." He said as the car launched into turbo speed.

Devon barely managed to hang on as the black Trans-Am covered the twisting hilly terrain at speeds exceeding one hundred miles an hour. KITT skillfully negotiated more than enough potentially dangerous and death-defying obstacles to make the leap over Hazzard Creek seem tame. 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Devon finally remembered to breathe as KITT skidded to a stop at Still Site Number 6. The car was covered in red Georgia dust as well as numerous mud spatters. There were even a few small tree branches wrapped around the license plate holder and the door mirrors.

"Well, KITT. It looks like we beat the Dukes." He pointed to the road as the General Lee came into view. It was still almost a mile away.

"It shore 'nuff do, Mikey, ol' boy." The car replied. "Y'all did some mighty fine drivin'. I gotta admit that." 

"KITT!" Michael said. "What's wrong? You sound strange."

"I purely don't know. I'm just as confused as y'all are. This ain't like the way I was programmed to talk. No way. No how." 

"Do you remember when we hurdled that tree that had fallen across the road about three miles ago?" Devon asked. "We landed fairly hard. That could have jarred something loose in his communications module."

"Could very well be." Michael answered. "I'll have Bonnie meet us at the Duke farm and take a look at it." He toggled the switch for the 2-way videophone, but nothing showed on the screen. "You could be right, Devon. The link to the semi seems to be out as well." He pressed a few buttons on his wristwatch and a beep echoed on the car's speaker. "At least the Comm Link still works."

Just then the General pulled into the area. Both Luke and Bo looked genuinely surprised to see Michael and Devon there. 

"How'd you two get here ahead of us?" Bo asked as the two Dukes exited the General Lee. "You must have cheated."

"WE cheated!" KITT replied. "WE weren't the ones who went up and over the hill instead of around it."

"What the ... ?" Bo and Luke said almost in unison. 

"I know I'm hearing things. I could have sworn that car talked." Bo took two steps back and flattened himself against the fender of the General.

"You bumpkins ain't going full goose bozo. At least not yet. I did talk." KITT added. "It's just one of the things I can do. Want me to show y'all some more? And my handle is KITT, not KARR." 

"You did hear correctly." Michael said. "KITT stands for Knight Industries Two Thousand. He's a prototype car. The car can talk, but I guarentee, he isn't supposed to sound like this. Unfortunately, there seems to be a glitch in his communications program. We need to get in touch with our crew to have it repaired."

"You can use our CB if you want." Luke said, handing Michael the microphone.

"Thanks. I was hoping you'd say that."

Before he could even press the button, the CB came to life.

"Breaker-1. Breaker-1. I may be crazy but I ain't dumb. Cra-a-azy Cooter here calling the Lost Sheep."

Michael handed the mike to Luke. "I think this is for you."

"Lost Sheep here. Go ahead Crazy Cooter."

"You guys ain't up at Still Site Number 6 by any chance, are ya? Cause if you are, Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane is on his way up there. He just passed me on State Route 26 and turned off heading for Lundigan's Road."

"Thanks for the warning, Cooter." Luke released the talk button. 

"If that don't just starch your shorts." KITT mused. "The County Mountie's on his way up here."

"You know, maybe Cooter can fix whatever is wrong with your car." Bo suggested "He's pretty good about fixing almost anything that has an engine and wheels on it. Everything from lawn mowers to mine graders. He keeps the General Lee in tip top running condition."

"I appreciate the offer, but KITT has some pretty sophisticated technology under his hood. I'd rather have Bonnie take a look at him."

"Bonnie Who's Bonnie?"

"She's the one who keeps me hummin'." The Trans-Am explained.

"Before we do anything else, we'd better get out of sight before Rosco gets here." Bo said. "Luke, you take Devon to the cave while Michael and I hide the cars and the tracks."

They pulled into a small box canyon behind the site.

"You don't have to worry about anyone finding the cars there." Bo said as he and Michael made their way back to the cave dragging tree branches behind them to erase the tire marks. "Only a handful of people know that this canyon exists. Unless you know exactly where to look, the only way you can spot it is from the air. Uncle Jesse used to hide back here from the revenuers all the time. They never found him."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Luke turned the flashlight into the cavern. "What the ... " He said. "I don't believe this."

"Don't believe what?" Bo said as he and Michael joined the group.

"These boxes. According to the markings, I'll bet my share of the peach crop money that they're the TVs that were stolen from that semi that overturned last week out on Highway 26." Luke explained. "When the company sent a crew to investigate, the truck was okay but the contents were gone. Three guesses and the first two don't count who was supposed to be guarding it. According to Rosco, three men overpowered him and knocked him out. He claims that when he came to, the TVs were gone. He did have a pretty good sized goose egg on his head, so no one doubted his story at the time."

"And I'm going to nominate Cooter Davenport to run for Congress in the next election." Bo said tartly.

"What will you do about the merchandise?" Devon asked. "If your suspicions are true, you can't very well report this to the authorities."

"Since Rosco is on his way up here, it's a pretty good bet that Boss Hogg's in it up to his pudgy little earlobes." Luke finished.

"I don't think we have time to speculate." Michael warned. "I think I heard a car pull up in front of the cave."

"In that case, we'd better get to the next cavern."

"Next cavern?" Devon asked.

"Yeah. This cave has almost as many caverns as that other one. The one that's the big tourist attraction. That's why it made such a perfect moonshine site. C'mon." Luke led the way deeper into the cave.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Rosco P. Coltrane pulled the cruiser to the entrance to the cave. He took the portable CB from the glove compartment and headed inside.

"Little Fat Buddy. This is Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane speakin'." He said into the speaker. "I'm in the cave. There doesn't appear to be any Duke boys around. And I don't see the General or any tire tracks that would show that they was here, neither."

"That don't mean nothin'. And don't use your real name. Use your CB handle." Boss replied over the CB. "Better count them boxes to make sure everything's still there. The buyer changed his mind. He's coming up tomorrow instead of Tuesday. I want to be sure that everything is still where we put it after we emptied out that electronics store truck."

"Roger, Little Fat Buddy. One ... Two ... Three ... "

"Don't count them while you're on the air, you dipstick. You think batteries grows on trees? Besides, somebody might hear you. Call me back when you're finished. Just leave the thing turned on so I can contact you if I have to."

"Sorry about that Little Fat Buddy. Super Sheriff out." Rosco flipped the talk button on the CB. "One ... Two ... Three ... Four ... "

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

" ... Three hundred thirty eight ... Three hundred thirty nine... Three hundred forty ... "

"Rosco!" Boss's voice came over the CB. "Have you finished counting them TVs yet?"

"I'm almost done." Rosco replied. "And I thought you're supposed to call me Super Sheriff."

"Well, hurry it up ... Super Sheriff ... " Boss sighed. Of all the ridiculous names ... "Lulu says she won't serve dinner 'till you get here. She's got one of Maybelle's peach cobblers for dessert this time. And I'm starving to death! It's been almost a half hour since I ate last."

"Maybelle's peach cobbler? I'll be there as soon as I finish. Super Sheriff out." Rosco turned the CB off. "Now then, where was I? Oh yeah. One ... Two ... Three ... " 

After what seemed like an eternity, Rosco was satisfied that all the cartons were still in the cave. It took another eternity until the four people in the back cavern were sure that it was okay to come out. 

As they started for the entrance, KITT activated the Comm Link in Michael's watch. "Don't come out just yet, guys." The car whispered. "Someone just pulled up in front of the cave, and it ain't the Sheriff, neither. This one's got a draggin' wagon."

"Thanks for the warning, KITT." Michael and the rest headed for the back of the cave once again.

"That would be Cooter." Luke said.

"Bo? Luke?" Cooter Davenport whispered from the entrance. "You in there?"

"Over here." Bo and Luke said as they ran to their friend.

Minutes later, they were in the box canyon. Cooter ran his hands lovingly over KITT's top. "That there's one f-i-n-e piece of machinery you got there." He said to Michael. "Mind if I take a look under the hood?" He started toward the front of the car. 

"You lay one grubby mitt on my hood and I'll chase your worthless hide from here to there to back again." KITT said threateningly.

Wide eyed, Cooter took three steps back. "I'm ... I'm hearin' things. That car ... it threatened me."

"You ain't nuts, Cooter." Luke explained. "It really does talk. It's an experimental model."

"HE!" KITT emphasized. "I'm a HE, not an IT. And you're darn tootin' I threatened you. And if'n you think I can't whup your scrawny hide ... " KITT gunned his engine several times.

"KITT's a little sensitive about who works on him." Michael enlightened the frightened and befuddled garage owner. "He has a lot of extremely high tech components in him. He'll only let his personal mechanic do any repairs or maintenance. I've contacted the semi. They'll meet us at the farm."

"Mind if I tag along?" Cooter asked. "This I gotta see." Then to KITT. "I'll only look. I promise." He spit on his hand and grasped the door handle. "I think that's as close to a spit and shake as I can get." He explained to Michael and the car.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The semi was waiting as the mini convoy pulled into the front yard of the Duke farm. Michael pulled KITT into the trailer. 

He was followed closely by Cooter. "So, where is this so-called mechanic of yours? I can't wait to see what kind of contraptions is under here." He put his hand on KITT's hood. KITT ground the starter a few times. Cooter pulled his hand back quickly. "Sorry." 

"I'm right here." Bonnie Barstow said as she came out of the office area of the trailer.

"YOU'RE the mechanic?" Three voices said in almost unison. Suddenly both of the Duke boys grew two inches taller. Luke's hair became a little curlier and his eyes got a little browner. Bo's hair became a little blonder and his eyes were a little bluer. Cooter straightened up, scrubbed his hands on his overalls and adjusted his cap.

"But you're a ... a ... " Cooter stammered.

"Mechanic." Bonnie finished the sentence.

"And you're sure you know what you're doin' inside a car's engine?" Cooter asked.

"I think so." She replied. "I have a Bachelors degree from Cal Poly in Automotive Engineering and a Masters in Computer Technology from MIT. I also designed and implemented most of the modifications for KITT."

"I told y'all she keeps me hummin'." KITT added. "She's also some kind of a hot babe, too. Ain't she?" 

The three Georgia boys blushed noticeably as they nodded assent. 

"Bonnie. Can you do something about this here mess?" KITT begged.

"I think I see what the problem is." Bonnie said as she pulled herself to an upright position. She had spent the past ten minutes examining the various electronic components. It wasn't exactly easy either. Not with three grown men peering over her shoulder. "See there. His communications module has come loose and it looks like it has been damaged slightly." She took a long narrow screwdriver and gently eased the metal case from its port. "It should only take me a few minutes to fix it." She started to the lab area.

"Mind if I watch? Never know when I might need to fix this kind of technology you got here." Cooter asked as he followed her with a lovesick puppydog look on his face.

"Can we come too?" The Dukes said as they jostled each other for position in the narrow hallway to the lab. 

"Now, boys!" Jesse Duke said from the door of the trailer. "The little lady's got work to do. You can save your shenanigans for later."

"Yes, Uncle Jesse." "Yes Uncle Jesse." "Aw, Uncle Jesse." The three young men looked like they had been whipped with a willow switch.

"Thank you, Mr. Duke." Bonnie said as she gently kissed him on the cheek. "It would have been difficult to work with the three of them hovering over me. It was hard enough out here, and there is barely enough room for one person in the lab." 

Jesse took off his cap and slicked his hair back. "You're ... You're ... welcome, Miss Barstow, Ma'm." The Duke boys had blushed earlier at KITT's remarks, but Jesse Duke's face got even redder than theirs had been.

"You see that?" Luke whispered to his cousin. "I ain't never seen Uncle Jesse blush like that before."

"Well, Bonnie Barstow is a beautiful woman. And you gotta remember, Cuz. Uncle Jesse IS a Duke boy. Where do you think we get it from?" Bo answered. 

Fifteen minutes later, Bonnie came back and reinstalled the communications module. "There. Is that any better?" She asked the Trans-Am.

"Much better, Bonnie." KITT answered. "While I am programmed to speak several languages fluently, I do not believe Hillbilly is one of my favorites"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"The next question is, what do we do about the stolen merchandise at Still Site Number 6?" Michael asked as he spooned a heaping portion of mashed potatoes onto his plate. The entire crew was invited ... no, ordered would be a better description ... to Sunday dinner at the Dukes. "It's fairly obvious that we can't go to the Sheriff with what we know."

"Boss and Rosco would only try to pin it on us. That is, if they haven't tried already." Luke answered, spearing a chicken leg onto his plate.

"Can't that Foundation of yours do something about it?" Jesse asked. "Can't you give them some kind of warning or something?" He removed a nearly empty platter of corn on the cob and replaced it with a fresh one. "You know, maybe rattle their cages a little?"

"Unfortunately, the Foundation for Law and Government is a private organization. We have no official police status. We primarily work with the authorities to apprehend criminals." Devon explained. "Occasionally, we have run into situations where the authorities were involved in criminal activity, but rarely to the extent that there is in Hazzard. I could contact a few acquaintances of mine in the State Legislature and launch an investigation into the affairs here."

"I don't know whether that would be such a good idea, Mr. Miles." Luke said. "I mean, Boss and Rosco are really only small time crooks at heart. They've never actually hurt anyone with their plans. Personally, I don't think they've ever gotten away with any of their crooked get rich schemes. At least not with the big ones. And I don't think either of them ever will."

"Thanks to them and some of their off the wall ideas though, the charitable institutions around here are nearly fully funded. That's where most of their dishonest money ends up." Daisy continued. "When their schemes fall through, they end up donating whatever money they might have made to one of the orphanages or hospitals in the area. That way, they can keep their reputations as good guys intact." She picked up several empty plates and put them in the sink. 

"They're sort of like your not too bright uncles. Slightly off center, but comparatively harmless." Jesse said as he brought in a huge strawberry shortcake and put it on the table for dessert. "Nobody here in Hazzard takes them too serious."

"And they're really good for business." Cooter said as he passed a plate of shortcake to Bonnie. Without being told, he had washed up and had borrowed a clean shirt and jeans from Bo and Luke. "Why, keepin' the County cars and the General in good repair and runnin' order brings in most of my income."

" 'Sides. If Boss and Rosco weren't around, we'd really miss them." Bo added. "Their antics are really funny sometimes. They break up the monotony of small town living. You know, maybe some day somebody will write a story about them and the goings on here in Hazzard. I think it'd make a sure fire TV series."

"It sounds like you people here in Hazzard have ... as they say ... got it together." Devon concluded. "Far be it from me to upset your way of life. For that reason, I will not contact my friends in the Capitol. Unfortunately, I doubt if this ... buyer that Mr. Hogg keeps referring to will have the same qualities as you claim he does. Therefore, I shall contact the State police and arrange for him to be arrested as soon as he leaves Hazzard County."

"Thanks, Mr. Miles." Luke said. "We'd appreciate that. And I know Boss and Rosco will, too."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Devon hung up the phone. "I talked with Commander Griffith of the State police. He will be at Still Site Number 6 along with the Purchasing Agent from Electronics Town tomorrow to identify and witness when the buyer comes to take possession of the TVs. Then, when the buyer crosses any of the county lines, he'll be arrested. They'll have teams waiting on all of the major roads out of Hazzard. According to Commander Griffith, he has a strong suspicion who this man is, and if he is correct, they have been after him for some time for fencing stolen goods."

"But that'll mean that J. D. and Rosco will be caught in the trap, too." Jesse said sadly. "That's just what we don't want to happen."

"Not necessarily." Michael answered. "Here's what I have in mind ... "

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"There it is, Mr. Hogg." Titus Finch said as he placed a briefcase on Boss Hogg's desk at the Boars Nest. "Seventy five thousand dollars. Just as I promised."

"But the agreement was for two hundred fifty dollars apiece. Times three hundred fifty TVs, that's eighty seven thousand five hundred dollars." Boss protested.

"You must understand, Mr. Hogg." Finch said coldly. "I have expenses. Someone has to pay them, and it isn't going to be me. Now, you can either take the seventy five, or you can ... do whatever you want with the TVs. But I guarantee you, you will not be able to get rid of them that easily. No one else has the ... connections that I have." He picked the briefcase off the desk and headed to the door. 

"Wait a minute." Boss almost pleaded. "I'm certain we can work something out. After all, I can't expect you to take all the risks. How about we split the difference. I'll settle for a nice round figure. Like eighty thousand. I mean, I took some risks too. After all, I had to hide the TVs and lead the investigators a merry chase, and lie to the insurance company and ... "

Finch started to the door once more.

"Okay. Okay. You win. Seventy five thousand it is." He snatched the briefcase from Finch's outstretched hand and clutched it to his chest like it was a Christmas toy. "Now, if you want, I'll take you to where I have the TVs hidden and we'll conclude this transaction."

"That won't be necessary. I know where Still Site Number 6 is. Yesterday, I followed that boob of a sheriff there. I returned later last night and made sure that everything was as you said it was. You did not think I would go through with this sight unseen, did you?"

Rosco did not seem to even notice that he had been insulted. But then, Boss had called him so many demeaning names, he was used to it. Or maybe he was just too dim-witted to realize he had been slighted. Somehow, given that it was Rosco, the latter seemed logical.

"No, I'd never think you were that ..." He started to say 'stupid', but somehow the look from the Fence made him change his mind. " ... careless." Quick thinking. "Still, we'll follow you there. Just to keep things on the up and up."

"No problem."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Cooter Davenport watched as Boss and Rosco followed the gray Cadillac limousine out of town in the patrol car. As the convoy passed the city limits, a semi tractor joined them. From his position inside the entrance to his garage, he could see everything that went on in the Municipal Building as well as most of Main Street. He picked up his CB mike. "Breaker 1. This is Crazy Cooter to Lost Sheep and Knight Rider. The pigeons have flown the coop." He whispered over a secure channel that KITT had set up. "Heading straight for the bat cave."

Luke put the mike back in its holder. "Time for phase two." He said to Michael. "Since they're both in one car, who gets the honor?"

"Flip you for it." Bo suggested. "Two out of three falls."

"Winner take all." Luke finished.

"I have a better idea." KITT said. "Why don't we split the duty. You take them for twenty miles, and then Michael and I will take over for another twenty. If we need more time, we can merely reverse places." 

"You know, Michael." Luke said. "That car of yours has some good ideas."

"Thank you Luke." KITT said. "I am glad that somebody recognizes that I can think for myself."

"We'll take the first leg." Bo said, spreading a map of Hazzard County on the hood of the General. "We'll come in here ... " He drew an 'X' on the map. "And run them through Miller's Valley a few times to here ... " He drew another 'X'. "You take over there. Meantime, we'll go to Jenkin's Wash ... " A third 'X'. "If we need more time, we'll take it from there." 

"Sounds like a winner to me." Michael said. He contacted Devon on the portable CB that the director had with him, and brought him up to date on what was going to happen.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Easy Street ... We're livin' on Easy Street ... " J.D. Hogg sang, very off key as the cruiser followed the limo and the semi toward Still Site Number 6. At last! Something was going right! He clutched the briefcase as close to his chest as he could, considering his girth. Soon, Bo and Luke would be back in prison for the 'robbery', and he would be seventy five thousand dollars richer. Short of inheriting a candy bar factory, life didn't get much better than this. For a moment, he considered splitting the money with Rosco. But only for a moment.

As they passed County Road 368, a familiar orange Dodge sped by them, heading for Miller's Valley. It was too much for Rosco P. Coltrane to resist. "This is like shooting ducks in a barrel." He chortled as he turned on the lights and siren and executed a dusty left turn. For a change, Boss did not question him. He only shouted encouragement to the Sheriff to catch the Dukes. 

Bo Duke picked up the mike. "The pigeons have taken the bait." He said over the secure channel. 

"Now, Cuz, let's give them the ride of their lives." Luke said as he turned off the road and headed across a newly plowed field. Rosco was right on their trail. 

"Dell Green ain't gonna like what we're doin' to his soybean crop." Bo said.

"That's okay." Luke returned. "We'll come by next week and replow and reseed it for him."

"Right on." Bo 'high fived' his cousin. "You think maybe Boss and Rosco would help out?"

"Don't push your luck." Luke said as he turned onto a dirt road that led to an abandoned farmhouse. "We can run them through old man Carlisle's barn a few times." He said. "That oughta slow them down a little."

"If it don't collapse on them."

"If it does, that'll be one more favor we can do for Dell. He's been wanting to tear down that eyesore ever since he bought the Carlisle place." They headed for the fragile door to the barn. It splintered easily as they rammed it with the Dodge.

Minutes later, The white police car also ran through the barn. The stress was too much for the fragile structure, and milliseconds after the cruiser cleared the back, it collapsed in on itself.

"That should put the fear of something into them." Luke said as he swung the Charger toward the road to Raccoon Hollow, where Michael was waiting. He paused long enough to assure that the Sheriff and the County Commissioner were unharmed and were following them. They were.

"Well, we've had our fun." Bo said. "Now it's time to let KITT and Michael play with them for a while."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"That must be the Fence." Devon said to Commander Griffith. From the entrance to the cave behind Still Site Number 6, they could see the entire valley. The gray limousine was easy to spot. Behind it was a semi trailer. The Hazzard police cruiser was nowhere in sight. "I suggest we go inside and into the back cavern." 

"So!" Commander Griffith whispered in awe as the F.L.A.G. director led him and his squad of State Troopers into the depths of the cavern. "This is where Jesse Duke hid out all those years. My father was a Treasury agent and he chased him through these hills many times. He never could find him, though. Now I see why."

They watched as Titus Finch and several other men loaded the TVs into the truck and then headed down the narrow dirt road toward the paved one. After a few moments, it was apparent they were heading for the Chickasaw County line. On the other side of the line, Local, State and Federal agents were waiting behind a roadblock.

Devon picked up the microphone of the portable CB unit. "Lost Sheep. Knight Rider." He said. "The pigeons are in the air and are heading for the roost. I suggest you do the same."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"But Michael." KITT protested as the driver turned off the radio. " Do we have to stop? I was really enjoying myself. Going through that swampland back there was really a ... do you say that again ... a hoot."

"I understand how you feel. It isn't often that we get the opportunity to let loose like this." Michael sighed deeply. "But, all good things must come to an end. So ... Evasive pattern Charlie." 

"Not Charlie! You know how much I hate Charlie! How about Echo? That would be much more suited to this area than Charlie!"

"Okay, pal. Evasive Pattern Echo it is. Just get us out of here and back to the Duke farm in one piece."

"Did anyone ever tell you that you were a party pooper." KITT said dejectedly as he started into the delicate twists and turns of Pattern Echo.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

" Yes, that's great news ...." Rosco said rather flatly into the receiver. " Thanks for the information, Sheriff Little ... Yeah ... I'll be glad to be at the awards ceremony." He hung up the phone rather forcefully. "If that don't beat all!" He grumbled to Boss Hogg. "You know that fence you sold those TVs to? It seems the State Police were on to him and they were waiting for him just across the Chickasaw County line. Sheriff Little got the honor of arresting him. He's goin' to get a medal for it from the Governor. AND there was a reward for him, too. Twenty five thousand in good hard cold cash. Sheriff Little got that, too. On top of the reward from the TV company. He's goin' to be sitting in the catbird seat for some time to come. What did I got from all of this? A goose egg on my skull, that's what." He pounded the desk.

"Rosco. Don't be so upset." He handed the Sheriff an envelope. "Out of the goodness of my heart I decided to share what I got from Mr. Finch with you."

"Boss! That's right generous of you." Rosco opened the envelope and took out twenty fifty dollar bills.

"I'd have given you more, but as you know, I didn't get as much as I thought I was gonna get. Don't worry, though. There is a bright side to all of this. That plaque from the Foundation is gonna look awful nice hanging behind your desk. Sheriff Little don't have one of those."

"And neither will you." Devon Miles said from the doorway to the Commissioner's office. "I'm afraid there isn't going to be any plaque."

"THE SPY!" Rosco called out as he vainly attempted to draw his gun. "You stay right there. You're still under arrest. At least we'll have you to show that Foundation man when he comes here."

"That ... Foundation man already knows about you and your town. You see, I am the ... 'Foundation Man'." He took out his wallet and laid his business card on the desk. "Devon Miles at your service." He extended his hand with a Cheshire cat grin on his face.

"Mr. Miles." Rosco gulped. "That ... ah ... bit about the ... umm ... speeding ticket. We was ... err ... ahh ... gonna drop the charges anyway. And as far as the Immigration Department goes, well ... " Beads of sweat were starting to form on his forehead.

"What my bungling subordinate is trying to say is ... " J.D. Hogg wiped his forehead with a huge handkerchief.

"Mr. Miles knows exactly what you are trying to say." Luke Duke was right behind Devon as were the rest of the Dukes and Michael. "We were in the cave at Still Site Number 6 and we heard everything that you and Rosco said to each other."

"You know, if we tell what we know to the State Police, you and everyone involved could be facing some serious jail time." Bo said menacingly.

"I can explain ... " Boss wiped his entire face, which was turning a sickly shade of gray.

"There is no need to explain." Devon said. "Just be thankful that you have some true friends here in Hazzard." He pointed to the Dukes. "They defended you and practically begged me not to press the investigation."

"Jesse Duke! My old friend!" Boss looked at the elder Duke with the most soulful expression. "How can I ever thank you!"

"Well, you can start by dropping all of the charges against my boys and Mr. Miles."

"Done! I wasn't goin' to prosecute them anyways. That was all a great big misunderstandin' from the git go."

"Then there's the matter of the outrageous tax bill I got this quarter for the farm. It's at least ten times what it should be."

"Ten times!" The Commissioner said in mock indignation. "Oh my! I'm sure there must be some kind of an error. There's probably a decimal point in the wrong place. I'll have the County Auditor research it first thing tomorrow morning."

Daisy Duke stepped forward. "As you know, the School Board desperately needs to renovate the Happy Valley Elementary School. It was built in 1928 and is still being used. The roof leaks and the furnace is on its last legs. Not to mention the interior and the driveway. And thew bricks are going to need pointing, too. They figure it's going to take about seventy thousand dollars just to get started."

"You know that there isn't that kind of money in the budget ... " A harsh glare from Jesse silenced the Commissioner. "Come to think of it, I do know an ... anonymous donor ... who would be glad to contribute the money to get such a worthy project under way."

"I thought you might, J.D." Jesse said, patting Boss on the top of his bald head. 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"It's a shame you gotta leave so soon." Jesse Duke said to Devon Miles as they sat on the porch of the Duke farmhouse.

"Well ... " The Director replied. "We really don't have anywhere that we have to be for the next week or so. I suppose we all could use a short vacation."

The smiles and grins from the younger members of the group could have lit up the entire county.

"That means we can take the General Lee and KITT up to Methane Falls and give them a real workout. Maybe make it a real race. If we let enough people know about it, we might even be able to raise some money for the hospital. They really could use a new x-ray machine. Their old one gives out every Thursday at 4 PM." Luke said.

"That sounds like a truly worthy cause." Michael said. "Devon, you don't have any problems with that, do you?"

"None at all. After the past few days, I have come to see KITT in a whole new light."

"Good!" Cooter said. "That means that y'all will be here for the dance next Saturday." He had taken a bath, shaved, and had on a new shirt and a clean pair of overalls. He went back to his truck and returned with a bunch of wild flowers tied with a red ribbon. "Miss Bonnie ... I ... " He cleared his throat. "Miss Barstow ... I ... " He coughed. "Would you ... I mean ... " His face was as red as the ribbon. "What I want to ask you is ... wouldyouliketogotothedancewithme?" He held the flowers to her.

"No she wouldn't like to go to the dance with you." Bo piped up. He too was dressed in a new pair of jeans, and had a shirt and a tie. "She's going to the dance with me."

"What makes you think she'd go with you, Cuz, when she can go with me?" Luke countered. He had shaved and gotten a haircut and had practically drenched himself in Old Spice aftershave.

" 'Cause I asked her first." Bo made a fist and held it under his cousin's chin. "After breakfast this morning. 'Sides why would she want to go dancin' with someone who smelled like he lived inside of a can of air freshener?"

Luke grabbed Bo and pushed him a few paces back. "Beats goin' with someone who looks like a wild man." 

"Guys ... " Cooter tried to separate the two and got a left to the jaw from Bo for his efforts. He returned the favor to Luke's abdomen. Luke connected with the side of Bo's head. Before long the three were brawling roughly. 

"BOYS!" Jesse shouted at the three of them. The three stopped and looked at him sheepishly. "That ain't no way to act around a lady. I know I taught you better than that. Do I have to take the three of you out behind the woodshed and give you a refresher course?"

"No, Uncle Jesse." The three said shamefaced.

"Then I suggest you all apologize to Miss Barstow."

"Yes, Uncle Jesse." "Yes, Uncle Jesse." "Yes, Uncle Jesse."

"NOW!"

"We're sorry, Miss Barstow." They said in schoolboy unison. 

"Are they always this bad?" Bonnie asked Daisy, who was sitting next to her on the white wicker couch on the porch.

"Oh, no." Daisy replied with a sly grin. "Sometimes they're a lot worse than this."

"Apology accepted." Bonnie said. "I haven't said yes to any of you. I honestly don't know who I'm going to the dance with. Or even if I'm going at all." She got up off the couch and went into the house. "When I do make up my mind, I'll let you know."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Bonnie groggily made her way to the door of the house trailer that served as the living quarters for the F.L.A.G. crew when they were on the road. The sun had barely risen when there was a knocking at the door loud enough to wake the dead, and three voices that somehow through the veil of sleep, she had identified as Bo and Luke Duke and Cooter Davenport, could be heard calling her name.

Almost as soon as she opened the door, Three items were thrust into her face. 

The first, a Whitman Sampler, was from Luke. He had on what was apparently his good suit. "I thought you'd appreciate some good chocolates. These came from Rhuebottom's General Store. Mr. Rhuebottom guarantees that they're not stale. He just got the shipment in last night. "

"Why would she want to sit here all day and eat candy when she can go to the Hazzard Picture Palace with me?" Bo chided as he held up two tickets. He, too was in his best clothes and had his hair plastered to his head with at least a half bottle of Wildroot Creme Oil. "They're showing Return Of The Fifty Foot Woman. Right fresh from it's second run in Atlanta. It took some doin' but I talked George the usher, into getting me two front row center seats for the matinee. You know the place is sold out for the entire spell of the movie." 

"That's gonna be kind of hard for her to do." Cooter said as he lifted a picnic basket in front of him. Although he was not in a suit, he had a clean, reasonably new shirt and tie. He had traded his usual overalls for brown slacks, and his boots for a pair of real shoes. He had ostensibly just shaved, judging by the tiny pieces of toilet paper stuck to his face near his left ear. "Since she's gonna be on a picnic with me over to Waite's Mountain all afternoon. Had Maybelle put together her extra special deluxe basket just for you, Miss Bonnie. She don't do that for just anybody, either. When I told her what you was like, she practically insisted that I take it."

Bo pushed Cooter out of the way and then Luke shoved Bo to the other side of the door. He was restrained by a hand firmly planted on his left shoulder. Bo's right shoulder was grasped by the other hand.

"If I have to tell you three once more to behave like gentlemen, I'm for sure gonna take you behind the woodshed. And then I'm gonna rip each of you a new bottom half for my efforts. Got that?"

"Yes, Uncle Jesse. Yes Uncle Jesse. Yes, Uncle Jesse." 

"Good. Now get in the house and don't come out until I finish with you."

The three sheepishly crept toward the house.

Jesse removed his cap. "I'm sorry about that, Miss Bonnie. They's really nice boys. Mature. Level headed. Most of the time, that is. But every now and then they get to acting like they was three years old. Usually, it's over a gal." He shook his head. "Nothin' personal Miss Bonnie, but they couldn't have picked a sweeter one to go all googley eyed over this time."

"Why Uncle Jesse." It was Bonnie's turn to blush. "I don't think I've ever received a nicer compliment."

"Miss Barstow." Jesse twisted the cap in his hand until it was barely recognizable. "Just to prove to you that all the men in Hazzard ain't thieves, scoundrels or ruffians, would you consider goin' with me to the outdoor concert in Hazzard Square tonight. The band is playin' a medley of tunes from Music Man."

"Thank you, Uncle Jesse. I'd love to go with you."

"You would?" Jesse's smile lit up four square miles. "I'll pick you up at seven o'clock."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"I don't believe this!" Bo groused. He, Luke and Cooter were sitting on the couch in the Duke living room. "HE GROUNDED US! Like we was three year olds. Doesn't he realize we're grown men?"

"Beats bein' taken out behind the woodshed." Cooter added. "I still smart from some of the whuppin's he gave us out there. You guys were lucky. You only had to go through it once. I still had to go home and face my daddy when Uncle Jesse got through with me. He'd most likely give it to me again."

"Oh no, we didn't get away with anything." Luke added. "You forget all the times your daddy caught us doin' something wrong. He'd blister our butts and then call Uncle Jesse, who'd be waitin' at the back door."

"I guess we should consider ourselves lucky just to be grounded for two days. At least I'll still be able to go to the dance with Bonnie." Bo said.

"You!" Luke shouted. "She's going with me!"

"Both of you are wrong." Cooter said standing before them. "If she's goin' with anyone, she's goin' with me!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"You know, Bonnie." Michael said as she fine tuned KITT's carburetor. "Maybe you should go to the dance with me. That way, you could avoid all these problems with the Dukes and Cooter."

"I thought Luke had set you up with the sister of one of his friends."

"Yeah he had, but now I'm having second thoughts. I mean with a name like Agnes Pouvey, she is probably bow legged, fifty pounds overweight, wears coke bottle glasses and has a front tooth missing." 

"MICHAEL KNIGHT! I never thought you could be that shallow! Imagine! Judging a woman purely by the sound of her name. For all you know, she could be five feet seven, 35 - 24 - 36 and be to-die-for gorgeous."

"I wouldn't mind going out with someone like that, but Daisy Duke is already spoken for. No, Bonnie. I'm not judging Agnes. Not exactly. She may be all that you say she is. But if that's the case, then why are they all trying so hard to get a blind date for her? It's just that I want to spare you all this hassle you're going through. I don't want to see any of the Dukes or Cooter hurt in a fight over you."

"What fight? From what Uncle Jesse says, this goes on every time some pretty girl comes into town. All there has been so far is some good natured shoving and pushing, and I think that's all there's going to be. Besides. I still haven't made up my mind which one I'm going to the dance with." 

"And you talk about me being shallow. Admit it, Bonnie. You aren't telling anyone who you're going with because you like all the attention you've been getting this past week."

"Of course I like all the attention I'm getting. In case you haven't noticed, I am a woman, after all."

"Oh. I've noticed, Bonnie. Believe me, I've noticed."

"Bonnie." KITT said after Michael had left. "Is it true that you haven't decided who will be the lucky one to take you to the dance?"

"Yes, KITT it's true. I haven't made up my mind yet."

"Then there's still a chance that you would go to the dance with me?" KITT said hopefully.

"But you're a car."

"Yes, Bonnie, I am a car. But I'm a MALE car."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"You've decided." Michael said. It wasn't a question.

"Of course." Bonnie answered. 

"And you waited until the last minute to make up your mind, didn't you?"

"I wasn't really sure until just a few minutes ago."

"Are you going to keep me in suspense all night?"

"Let's just say I'm going to the dance with the best man in Hazzard." She peeked through the shades of the trailer. 

Outside, three of Hazzard's eligible bachelors stood in their Sunday best. Luke Duke had on black slacks, a white shirt and black tie and a tan sport coat. In his hand was a bouquet of flowers that must have emptied the local florist's shop. Bo Duke was similarly dressed except that his outfit was gray slacks, blue shirt, string tie, and a blue coat. He had a large box wrapped in silver tissue paper tucked under his arm. Even Cooter Davenport had on a suit, of sorts. He wore a pair of new, freshly pressed jeans, a new white T-shirt and a brown and gray plaid coat. Instead of his usual baseball cap, he had a brown fedora on. In his hands was a huge red foil covered, heart shaped box, that Bonnie estimated had to have contained at least five pounds of the obvious thing that came in red heart shaped boxes. 

In the background, Jesse Duke stood guard over the three impetuous men to make sure that things would not get out of hand. Although he was not dressed in a suit, he did have new clean coveralls and a freshly pressed shirt on, and he looked like he had gotten a haircut and trimmed his beard.

"It's show time." Bonnie said just before she opened the door. 

"Well?" Three voices said in unison. There was some mild shoving as each of the swains tried to see that their present was nearest to Bonnie.

"I have made up my mind. I know which one I will go to the dance with. I am going with the man who has shown me that he is mature, considerate, and a good companion." She paused. The tension was almost physical. "My date for the dance is ... " Another pause. By now there were three men ready to burst. " ... Jesse Duke."

"UNCLE JESSE?"

"Yes. He has been the most considerate, kindest, thoughtful man I have seen since I came to Hazzard. It's only fair that he should be my date."

"But ... But ... But ... " The three sputtered.

"I have no doubt, as handsome as you three are, you'll have no problem finding eligible women to escort."

"And what about me?" Michael asked. "I'm still stuck with Agnes Pouvey." He sighed audibly.

"Unless I miss my guess, that's Agnes Pouvey over there." Bonnie pointed to a five feet seven, 35 - 24 - 36 beauty with brown eyes and a classic Georgia peach complexion. All this was framed by soft auburn curls that cascaded to the middle of her back. She smiled showing picture perfect pearly white teeth.

Michael smiled broadly. "I guess miracles do happen." He said as he went to Agnes and took her arm. "Hi, I'm Michael Knight." He said. "I'm your date for the evening." It looked as though he had grown at least an inch and his hair was in even tighter ringlets than before. 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Jesse Duke handed Bonnie her sweater. The dance had been a huge success. He hadn't had this much fun since ... he couldn't remember when. "Are you sure you're not sorry you came with me?" He asked her for the umpteenth time. "I mean, you coulda had any of the most eligible bachelors in not just Hazzard but all of three counties."

"Jesse." Bonnie replied. "I've told you all night. I chose you. And I'm not the least bit sorry I did. I have had a very wonderful time. Just like I knew I would."

Jesse smiled broadly as he led her to the door. Right behind them, Bo and Luke retrieved their date's wraps and Michael did the same. 

"So, you two didn't seem too disappointed that Bonnie didn't go to the dance with you." Michael said to the Dukes.

"Well, to tell you the truth, we were upset at first." Luke confessed. "But when we saw that she was having such a good time, and that Uncle Jesse was acting twenty years younger than he has in many years, we agreed that she made the right choice."

"And I gotta admit, the Colbert twins do make a pretty good consolation prize." Bo added, giving Roberta a squeeze. Luke did the same to Rachael. The girls only giggled demurely as they both turned bright red.

"And what about Cooter?" Devon asked. "I know he came to the dance with us. Has anyone seen him all evening?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"And what does this thingamajig do?" Cooter Davenport pointed to one of the computer modules.

"That." KITT answered. "Controls my electronic ignition sequencer. It replaces the ignition coil."

"And that one?" He pointed to another module.

"That is my mobile database. With that, I can interface with the master computer in the F.L.A.G. trailer. Among other things."

"Well, I'll be ... " Cooter said as he carefully lowered the hood of the Trans Am. " I know I've been out here all night, but I really enjoyed it. I gotta thank you for finally lettin' me see what's inside of you."

"My pleasure." The car replied. "It's not often I meet someone who has such a profound respect for my inner workings. You realize that much of what I have shown you is classified top secret. You can't tell anyone what you've seen."

"I know. And I swear I won't tell anyone what I seen. And even if I did tell, nobody'd believe me. Some of them things, I swear, ain't even been invented yet."

"Would you like to take KITT for a ride?" Michael asked as he came up behind the mechanic.

"Would I!" Cooter rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "Could I?"

"If it's okay with KITT, it's okay with me."

"Get in, Cooter." KITT opened the driver's door.

Cooter carefully got in. For the next ten minutes, a black Trans Am roared through the streets of Hazzard with the Happiest Man On Earth at the wheel.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"You guys ready?" Uncle Jesse asked.

"As ready as we'll ever be." Bo and Luke said. 

"We're ready, too." Michael said.

Nearly the entire population of the tri county area lined the Methane Falls Road to watch the Dukes and Knight battle it out. At five dollars a head, Daisy and Cooter had collected well over ten thousand dollars toward the new X-ray machine. That did not count the side bets that had been placed. Jesse had allowed them ... with the proviso that half of the money went to the hospital fund. By a conservative estimate, that should bring in another three thousand. 

The only ones not enthusiastic about the race were J.D. Hogg and Rosco P. Coltrane. By a forced agreement concerning their involvement with the TVs, they had been excluded from any form of wagering.

"Now you two understand this race is to be fair and square." Jesse said to the racers as they got into their respective cars. "No cheating."

"I don't cheat." KITT protested. 

"He didn't say you did." Michael told the Trans-Am. "He meant no turbo boost. No radar. No preprogrammed driving maneuvers. Just you and me against the Dukes and the General. That's the agreement Bo, Luke and I agreed to."

KITT sighed heavily. "Michael. You certainly know how to take the fun out of everything."

In the General, Bo and Luke strapped themselves in. 

"Does that mean we can't cut across Gloryosky's Swamp?" Bo asked Luke.

"That means you stay on the road." Jesse replied for him. "Now. Bring your cars to the starting line." 

A line had been painted across the road in purple paint ... donated by Ruebottoms General Store from their excess stock. There was s similar line in Methane Falls serving as the finish."

Daisy Duke held up a red checkered flag that looked suspiciously like one of the tablecloths from the Boars nest. "Gentlemen." She intoned. "On the count of three. One ... Two ... Three." She lowered the flag and both cars roared off toward Methane Falls in a cloud of dust and smoke.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

****

The End.

But who won?

Use your imagination.


End file.
